Ask Dumpstin

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Monday, July 31, 2006

Colon cleanse results?

Hi Dumpstin (if I may be so forward as to call you by your given name),

Not sure how I stumbled across your site, but read your Colon Cleanse
question with great interest. So, did you get "ropes"? I've seen those
pictures, too. But I wonder if they had "assistance" of some sort
ridding their colons of those. So, what happened?

I myself tried a colon cleanse herbal mixture from Trader Joe's and
became violently ill. Possibly like a lactose intolerant person quaffing
a gallon of milk!

Curious-

irene

++++++++++++++++++++++++++
irene -

My colon cleanse experience was pretty uncomfortable in the first 7 days
after I was on "full dosage". Typically, I would wake up and feel
really nauseous - but then, I'd drop an assrope and it was all good...
Anytime I would feel nauseous, I would usually drop rope and then be
back to my normal self... I was more energetic, and felt generally
better.

Not all colon cleanses are the same, so I can't comment on how shitty
Trader Joe's product is (shitty=good in this case) (by the way, do they
call it some cutsie name like Trader Doodie's Poop Shoot Powder?)

I think that you may want to try it again at a smaller dosage to get
your system acclimated to all the different herbs. I don't know if your
body normally assimilates Slippery Elm Bark, but my guess is that some
of the herbs may be new and your body is going to say "Oh No You di-ent
just swallow a whole muthafuckin glass of slippery elm bark" and then
vomit it up or... What have you... (If you will),

Colon cleanses aren't always easy. It takes discipline and mental
fortitude.

I believe in you irene.

Fight the good fight.

Love and colons,
Dumpstin

Sunday, January 29, 2006

To wipe or not to wipe

TomTool71 said...

What does Dumpstin say about no - wipers? I rarely have to wipe. Most times I just stick one sheet [if it's a two ply] or two sheets folded over [if it's one ply] up there just to double check that a wipe isn't necessary ... more often than not, I don't. What up wi' dat? Good or bad?

I'd always heard that ... no wipes ... and your shit should float ... mine doesn't always, not even the no wipers, but I'm pretty proud to not have to wipe.

I'm was thinking about changing back to some paper more comfy, but if I'm not wiping and don't have that GOD AWFUL "lint problem", why bother?

So there's a[nother] question for Dumpstin, what's your preferred brand of toilet paper?


Dear TomTool71,

Not having to wipe is pretty normal. Your butthole naturally actually comes out of your ass to expel shit (it's pretty gross - but if you've ever seen a horse take a dump, then you might know what I'm talking about - take a close look and you'll see some pink). Your ass was designed to do no wipers. God is punishing you when you have to wipe (OK, I'm totally kidding, sorry God - please don't punish me with a lifetime of 15 wipers!!!).

As far as what kind of toilet paper to use, I like the cheap seats. I like Scottowels or Trader Joe's brand toilet paper. The cheaper, the more recycled, the better. I don't like using poisonous leaves though and I don't like all the shredded paper/lint that the expensive teepee can leave behind.

All the best,
Dumpstin

Colon Cleanse Cuestion

Dear Dumpstin,
I am curious about your colon cleanse. Did you research other cleansing techniques before you chose this one? I am suspicious, cause I'm not a bit fan of this sort of "contrived" or forced or unnatural colon cleansing, if you know what I mean. Isn't it possible to get the same effects by eating food (like more high fiber food, and cutting out refined sugar, or some such thing), or eating less, or doing some kind of fasting for a few days? Have you heard anything about this Lemon Cleanse that seems to be popular nowadays? I'm curious to hear what you think on these topics.


Dear Anonymous,
I did research other colon cleansing techniques before dropping in with the Colonix product. There were a few directions that I could take when I was considering which product to go with:

1. Wait and change my diet - try eating more high fiber food, etc.
2. Do a hydrocolonic (colon hydrotherapy)
3. Try a Colonix or other herbal colon cleanse product
4. Wait and see if things "melt" in my pipes and if the pipes get moving again

Before I started anything, I waited a while without changing much of my diet. I was taking dumps every two, three, or four days. Too long in my book. It was definitely different than before. I researched the colon hydrotherapy and found a few main problems with it:

1. Some people feel that it can wash out "good bacteria". Bacteria lives in your digestive system and your body needs these friendly bacteria to help break down food, and do other things that I don't know about. Until I research this more and find out more about how it works, I'm going to hold off.
2. It's not cheap
3. It seems a little bit unnatural, but then again, there are birds that stick their beaks up they butt and squirt water to clean out they business so it may not be all that unnatural, this one is a tough call.
4. I don't dig going to doctors (risk involved every time you go)
5. I don't dig people sticking tubes in my business.

Anyway, I felt that I'd like to try keep from putting anything in the out-door, and at least see if an herbal cleanse would work. One of the biggest reasons I think that I went with the Dr Natura Colonix brand is the pictures they had on the website of the assropes. I wanted an alien to come out of my behind. I had friends on other products but just weren't getting the ropes. The Mucoid Plaque is what I wanted out. Old, dried-up toxic fecal matter. I wanted to put that behind me. Plus, the Dr. Natura website does a good job of selling their product with all the testimonials. Their product also seemed a little bit more complete than some of the others because it came with the Kleritea laxative tea (senna tea), Paranil (anti-parasite herb pills), and the Colonix fiber drink. I also looked for people complaining about it on the web and really couldn't find much negative talk (if any). So, I thought it might be a good one - or good enough.

I really haven't been big into taking drugs, supplements, vitamins, or herbs up until this, so it was a bit of a departure for me. I looked at the ingredients on the colon cleanse and said "hey, this is all stuff that you can find in a forest". The ingredients includes stuff like: Slippery Elm Bark, Fennel, Alfalfa, and Psyllium Husks. It's basically all natural stuff that you can't digest which is what Fiber is.

All the ingredients are non-GMO (Genetically Modified Organisms) and it's all natural. I know herbs can really tweak you if you don't use them properly, but I'm less afraid of herbs than I am of Aspartame (Nutra Sweet) and other chemicals (Laxatives, etc).

Plus, Laxatives just liquify your dumps and the caked-on toxic waste still sits in your colon while the liquid poop just cruises right on by.

You asked about whether you could just change your diet... I do feel that you can gain a lot from just changing a few things:
1. Drinking a lot of water and eating water-rich foods
2. Eating a high-fiber diet (this can be difficult if you are a "normal" american eating "normal" american diet - if you eat steak & eggs, ham sandwich on white bread with chips, hamburger and fries for dinner... basically, you just ate no fiber. It can be hard to eat a high-fiber diet unless you know what to look for).
3. Exercising regularly and walking a good amount (my theory is that exercising keeps your body strong and energized while walking helps the natural vibration of your colon to move along caked on waste and overall relax your system)
4. Meditating or relaxing somehow (you carry a lot of stress in your gut and can hold dumps back unconciously).

I would try this, but I really don't see anything wrong with the herbal colon cleanse other than it costs money and some discipline to make sure you do it every day.

As far as doing a lemon cleanse or something like that:
1. There are all kinds of different types of cleanses that work on cleansing different things. The colon cleanse is for cleansing the colon. It's my understanding that the lemon cleanse will help cleanse the liver. All these things are important, but I was looking for a colon cleanse because I could tell that my system just wasn't processing physical food waste properly.

2. My theory is that fasting may help you to get regular again, but it also may backfire. Your body is going to look for places to pull nutrients and energy from and it may look to pull out energy from the toxic waste that is sitting on your intestinal walls. That stuff is all wrapped up in mucous and it really isn't supposed to be digested or absorbed but when the body gets desperate, it may look to these resources for energy. That's why I think it's a good idea to cleanse the colon first and get the pipes clean so that all the other toxins can get excreted as well.

In general, the colon cleanse is something that is part of an overall healthier way of living. I didn't think that it was that unnatural once I found out what the ingredients are. You have to ask yourself if your normal everyday lifestyle is really that natural. If you live in a city, you're breathing fumes, you're probably not eating truly natural food, so a little natural herbs isn't that unnatural.

I think that for many of us, we've eaten McDonalds, Taco Bell, Arby's, etc. etc. in the past and realize that some of that gunk may still be up in our shizzy. The colon cleanse is a way to get that out and get a fresh start. So, eliminating refined sugar, white flour, aspartame, partially hydrogenated oils (trans-fats), pesticides, toxic cleaning products, etc. etc. from your every day diet is a good thing to do, but it is part of this new fresh start. Do the colon cleanse if you're into it, but also eliminate all those nasty chemicals and try an overall healthier lifestyle. Hopefully, you'll take some monster dumps and enjoy all the wonderful benefits of a regular colon. That's what Dumpstin is trying to do...

Monday, January 09, 2006

Turd Optimization Theories

Hey All, on Thu Jan 05, 03:35:29 PM CST Anonymous asked:

so dumpstin
what do you think? do you think it's ideal if, when you eat a lot, you poop a lot... or do you think it's more like, if you eat the right foods, you poop more or better, and if you eat the wrong foods you get stopped up? Seems to me, for me, when I eat a lot, even of bad toxic ish food, like this morning, chocolate covered pretzels, my body rejects these toxins and poops them out. so therefore it is ok to have the sometimes unhealthy transgression b/c my body will reject this stuff... on the other hand if i eat more healthily perhaps a more well formed turd will come out. So that's my other question, are only well formed, solid ish turds good, or sometimes is it ok if a more liquidy stanky one comes out? i mean, seems to me those are usually the result of the unhealthy foods. That or perhaps just sometimes you eat way to much fiber and your bowels become explosive. I'm curious to hear what you think on these topics.

Here's my response to this intriguing question:


First of all, it's not always that if you eat MORE, you'll shit MORE. Sounds crazy I know, but the key is to get your system operating EFFICIENTLY.

See, there is more going on in your intestines than just food-in food-out. Your body has to PROCESS the food and actually turn it INTO shit.

Your intestines use what's called peristalsis to move the food/shit (the food/shit is actually called "chime") through your intestines. The peristalsis doesn't move as fast as you can shove Chili-Burgers, Deep-Dish Pizza, and Milkshakes down your throat, so you have a stomach and a colon to deal with the normal way that we eat - which is infrequent... we gorge ourselves and then don't eat for 6 hours... or you may be eating like mad all day long.

Anyway, back to the story about the chime (food/shit stuff in your intestines). Your body has to deal with the chime in different ways all along the way. Some stuff it just passes through and doesn't try to break down (corn, tomato peels, nickels). But the corn and tomato peels aren't really releasing any chemicals into your body either so your body doesn't have to do anything with them...

Now, let's say you're shoving burgers, fries, milkshakes, etc. down your throat. Burgers (buns, meat, charred meat particles, grease) is going to affect you. It starts releasing toxins into your body as soon as it's swallowed. So, what happens is your body will deal with it. It will shit it out if it has the time and resources. If it has the mucous to wrap around it, it will do that. If it has the time to move it through your intestines, it will do that.

However, what typically happens is you start eating more... and then your body has to deal with the stuff that just came in - and it may not have your chime all packaged up and ready to send out as a big turd. So, what it does (in theory) is stores it away somewhere and then you get a messed up intestinal tract.

Your intestinal tract is just like you are... you can only do so much. When you get overloaded, you start screwing up in certain areas and eventually, you stop functioning altogether.

As far as the types of dumps that you should have... I think it's hard to say - I think it depends on the person. For the most part, I'd say that they shouldn't be too hard and they shouldn't be too soft. What's important is that you're taking dumps regularly and that you have energy and don't have a big huge rigid (not fatty) beer gut. Because it's probably not beer in there, it's probably stuff all stuck in your colon.

So, I really think it doesn't matter so much what you eat - as long as it's in moderation - but more importantly, that you don't eat too much. I think that overeating is (counterintuitively) the reason that you get constipated.

Please let me know if you need more feedback on this one or if I missed part of your question.

Peace in your pipes,
dumpstin

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