To wipe or not to wipe

TomTool71 said...

What does Dumpstin say about no - wipers? I rarely have to wipe. Most times I just stick one sheet [if it's a two ply] or two sheets folded over [if it's one ply] up there just to double check that a wipe isn't necessary ... more often than not, I don't. What up wi' dat? Good or bad?

I'd always heard that ... no wipes ... and your shit should float ... mine doesn't always, not even the no wipers, but I'm pretty proud to not have to wipe.

I'm was thinking about changing back to some paper more comfy, but if I'm not wiping and don't have that GOD AWFUL "lint problem", why bother?

So there's a[nother] question for Dumpstin, what's your preferred brand of toilet paper?

Dear TomTool71,

Not having to wipe is pretty normal. Your butthole naturally actually comes out of your ass to expel shit (it's pretty gross - but if you've ever seen a horse take a dump, then you might know what I'm talking about - take a close look and you'll see some pink). Your ass was designed to do no wipers. God is punishing you when you have to wipe (OK, I'm totally kidding, sorry God - please don't punish me with a lifetime of 15 wipers!!!).

As far as what kind of toilet paper to use, I like the cheap seats. I like Scottowels or Trader Joe's brand toilet paper. The cheaper, the more recycled, the better. I don't like using poisonous leaves though and I don't like all the shredded paper/lint that the expensive teepee can leave behind.

All the best,
Dumpstin