Free Poo Water

Free Poo Water
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

My friend just got back from Costa Rica and he was saying how they had

to poop on top of each other's poop - there was a drought and they

hadn't had water in a long time. So, trucks would bring in water and

when the water trucks would come, then they could flush their

mega-plugged toilet.



It sounded pretty bad, he said there were people puking on top of their

shit (known as the Sick Bear) - when people are doing that, it's easy to

get constipated...



It's nice living here in the states where we have so much water that we

will flush the toilet even if there isn't anything to flush. I know

people who flush just to get a new batch of clean water to shit on top

of.



We're lucky to have so much free poo water. Just remember that it's not

like that everywhere, some people even have to carry their poo water

down from the mountains. I wonder if there are little wars anywhere in

the world where people fight for who gets the poo water. And how would

they fight? Would they throw un-watered poo at each other? Hmmmm...

George Lucas - I've got a project for you and it's called PooWater

Wars.



dumpstin

The theme song

The theme song
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Takin a shit in the world today

Takes everything you've got.



Takin a break from all that bloating

Sure would help a lot.



Wouldn't you like to get away......



Sometimes you wanna go

Where every turd is brown and green



Dum dum dum



And the bowl is always clean



Dum dum dum



You wanna go where pee and poo

Live in harmonaaay



You wanna go where poo is brown and greeeeeen.



A no wiper

Dumpstin

Nods Make Out

Nods Make Out
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Nodules... Nodules nodules nodules.



So, there are these nodules in High School and this one nodule was

dating another nodule - and they wanted to find a place to make out. It

totally sucked cuz every time they would see each other, there would be

all these other nodules around watching them so they couldn't make out

hardly ever (***Total Bummer!!!)



One day, they got on a bus and cruised out for a field trip - and

luckily, they cruised under a toilet seat cover and totally started

making out.



Isn't that awesome?



OMG - and... AND - the bus driver didn't even wipe!



No way! It's totally true though...



Like,

-dumpstin

I Love My Dumps!!!

I Love My Dumps!!!
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Lately, I've been having GREAT shits! I'm so proud of myself... I poop

on a regular basis and my poops look GREAT! I mean, look at this one -

slightly curved main body, perfect firmness, low nodulation at the

turdhead, and a light whispy tailgunner.



This is a great looking turd! True, it's not huge, but it's damn

pretty.



I've been eating smoothies every morning and cereal... it may have

something to do with that...



With brown love,

dumpstin



ps. nodulation is caused by a turd that sits too long at the rectal

gate and gets dehydrated as the body sucks the water out of it... it's

normal but IMHO heavy nodulation isn't good...

Dumpass

Dumpass
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

This dump amazingly positioned itself to point directly north. I have a

sextant next to my toilet and I was able to verify the quality and

precision of this dump's orientational prowess.



I'm so proud of my shits - never ceasing to amaze me with their unique

qualities and powers.



A no wiper,

Dumpstin



Ps. I tried picking it up with a magnet, but no luck... There may be

some magnetism in the dump, but I think it's mostly made up of shit.

Butt Biscuits

Butt Biscuits
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Don't these little nugs make you want to break a piece off, put on a

dinner roll plate, and add some butter? I wonder if extreme survival

ever calls for people needing to eat their own shit...



If so, I would guess that you'd wanna eat it in a sauce that hides most

of the flavor, maybe a cream sauce, or a hotsauce... Maybe a thai peanut

curry... Or like sweet & sour - or, crumble the dump and serve it over

pasta. I'd suggest a thick noodle - like lasagne noodles or stuffed

shells... For breakfast, you'd serve it with hollandaise sauce on a

flaky croissant. I wouldn't suggest it with waffles or pancakes.

Nothing sweet. Maybe throw it in the mix of a skillet breakfast. Like

a 'Hobo's Banquet' type of meal - with the potatoes, onions, cheese,

green peppers, and mix in the poo, and then throw an egg on top

sunny-side-up.



Yes, writing this one made me kinda sick...

-dumpstin

Poo Party

Poo Party
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Why don't people have poo parties? Where everyone holds their dump

until they get to the party... and then they all eat food that makes

them have to shit... Why not?



You could have really nice bathrooms, bathroom attendants, and everyone

could watch the poo come out live from a toilet mounted poo cam...



If you're having a poo party this spring, be sure to have everyone chip

in and buy a Brondell Swash as well...



Could be fun!!!

-dumpstin

Home Base

Home Base
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I think I really do shit more at home than anywhere else... I know some

peeps like to shit at home, but I thinkey that what happensey is that

you go out during your day - whatever you do - work, shop, drive-thru

bank - whatever, and you rarely take the time to stop and think - hey,

I'm going to take 5 minutes, or 10 minutes and take a shit... Or, if

you go over to someones house, and you're hanging out with a bunch of

people... You don't want to be the guy or shitting girl who goes in the

bathroom and leaves it all shit-stanked...



So, what you end up doing is waiting until you get home and then even

though you might only spend 12 hours of your day at home, you end up

shitting more at home.



And that's why I have invested in a nice wooden toilet seat.



Still shitting a fantastic out-of-the-bowl homewrecker... This one is

stinking up the house and Mrs D is Pissed! Easy Mrs D! What do you

want me to do, Mrs D??? Take my craps elsewhere? Forget it! I'm

shitting right here at Home Base! What's that Mrs D? You want me to

sleep on the couch??? Fine, but then I'm not gonna wipe my ass - and I'm

gonna sleep on the couch naked - with a shitty ass! so there!!! (Slam

door, Dumpstin swigs from his tequila flask as camera fades to black)



-a 6 wiper

dumpstin

What is shitting?

What is shitting?
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Isn't shitting a really weird phenomenon? You go through your day - or

sit around - and suddenly, you are instructed by your colon to go take

a shit.



You don't consciously go and take a dump... It's something that you have

very little control over. I was just now lying down, reading and I knew

I had a poop that would have to come out soon because I could feel it.

But I tried to get it out earlier and nothing came out. It doesn't

happen on my schedule, it happens when it's supposed to happen.



You really don't have any control over it... It is part of the universe

and the universe needs its shit back when it needs it. You can't hold

onto it forever... You get your turn, but then the universe takes its

shit back precisely when it needs it.



I owed the universe a lot of shit this morning...



A 5 wiper

dumpstin

Bad Dumpstin

Bad Dumpstin
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

So, it looks like I'm back to eating the way I used to before the colon

cleanse... And I'm paying for it...



The atheletes foot is back, I am more tired, and this past weekend I was

sick to my stomach. Not super bad, but all these things were definitely

noticable.



I do, however think my dumps are back on schedule/on track in general.

I seem to be dumping regularly and dumping in large quantities.



I like dumping in large quantities. I want to run super-efficiently.

Shouldn't we all want that for ourselves and our children?

dumpstin

More Asswater

More Asswater
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I don't even remember wiping... This almost got sharted all over the

walls... Wow.

-dumpstin

The Disaster

The Disaster
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

So, at about 2AM on sunday night, after having

sick-to-my-stomach-suck-fest on and off all day, I finally ejected the

alien.



It didn't want to come out, it just wanted to make me miserable...

Brewing up inside, the beast wreaked havok on my mind and on my

happiness... I suffered - sick, sweating, feeling like poop.



This is the beast and the brew that it brewed up.



Dumptastically terrible. I remember lying in bed with a fart that was

ooooh so close to a shart. Scarilly close to a shart.



After the big bomb part of the dump was dropped, what started sharting

out was just asswater. Asswater is kinda fun cuz you can like squirt it

out on demand... It would be fun to fill a muffin tray - one muffin hole

at a time with Dumpstin batter...



Yeah, that's what I could do - make dumpstin muffins... YUM!!!



A 4 wiper... And then, 12 minutes later, more asswater

-dumpstin

Recipe for Disaster

Recipe for Disaster
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Step 1: Eat a veggie burger with soggy cold fries



Step 2: Eat the rest of the meatloaf from the person's plate next to you

- they've had enough, but you haven't? Are you serious?



Step 3: Drink 1/2 a pint of guinness - then get a brilliant idea to mix

coke with it - mix coke, add ice, chug.



Step 4: Drink a beer and eat a several month old piece of brownie



Step 5: eat a chicago style hot dog



Step 6: eat a Ben & Jerry's milkshake - chocolate chip cookie dough



Step 7: have about 2 more shitty beers



Step 8: go home, sleep, and this is where the term "wake up feeling like

shit" was coined.



A 9 wiper that I gave up on,

Dumpstin

Mouth Watering

Mouth Watering
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I don't know if it's just me, but often times, when I am taking a shit,

my mouth will start watering... I've even drooled before...



Then when it starts to wrap up, I get the shivers... Sometimes my whole

body starts shaking for a second...



Weird.



But awesome.



Now, after the main part of the dump has fallen out, I feel a slight

queasiness... Like there is something else in there that should come

out... I'm gonna wait and see if it makes its way out.



Waiting...



Still waiting...



Gas bomb just blew out...



Still waiting - feels like its moving through the system... Not as

queasy any more... Pressure...



Oh gross... Total slow-motion blat! Like a big fart pushing out a

semi-soft turd - like soft-serve...



Nasteriffic.



More pushing... Now I've got a bit of hot ass. Could be from the

mexican Combo Platter that I had last nacht. I should have known that

the chile relleno would fight back. It was mega-stuffed with cheese...

Some kind of really soft, runny cheese...



I could probably sit here for hours producing, but the toilet seat is

starting to hurt a bit...



a 4 wiper,

dumpstin

Parralleloshit

Parralleloshit
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Two turds dropped in the same dump - each forms a straight line...

Neither of the lines meet - until infinity...



Which is where you will meet back up with your shit... At infinity.



All of the shit you have ever shat will eventually meet back up with the

other molecules in your body. If not in the next 100 hours, then in the

next 100 years or 100,000 years.



Your shit gets shat, and then it goes down the tubes, and then into a

sewage treatment plant, and then turned back into soil, and then made

into crops, and then eaten...



Or the sewage treatment plant evaporates shit smell - which is molecules

of shit - and then you drive by and inhale the shit of you, your

landlord, your neighbor, your mayor, your local inmates and if he

happened to shit that day, your president.



So, you inhale the shit - and then it gets assimilated back into your

body.



Your body is made up of shit molecules from Hitler, Ghengis Khan, George

Washington, Jesus, and a host of other prime time players... Including

angelina jolie - I hear she can shit up a storm.



This is for reals my peeps...



No doubt...



So remember... We are all just shit in the wind.



A 1 wiper,

Dumpstin

The Life of Dumpstin

The Life of Dumpstin
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

So I just wanted to let you all know a little bit about what it's like

to be Dumpstin.



I was taking a piss when I suddenly felt that a spot of poop wanted to

dump out my ass.



No big deal for a normal civilian, but for the D, I had to run back to

get my camera before I could shit...



You see, I have to have my specially designed poo-camera on me at all

times... If I screw up, then what? What would Dumpstin be without the

pictures of poop? He'd be just another loser taking big dumps yelling

in the stall trying to get people to look at his dumps.



I say, if you want to know what it's like to be dumpstin, take a deck of

cards and carry it around with you at all times. Every time you poop,

you have to have the deck with you... And every night, you have to

re-shuffle the deck (to simulate charging the camera). See how long you

can make it before you have to run down the hallway to get your fake

camera with poo dangling out your arse.



A 1 wiper,

Dumpstin

Dump Etiquette

Dump Etiquette
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Dumpstin sez:



When staying at a friends house, it is right, good, and true to leave

your dump for all to see. How rude we can be when we selfishly flush a

beautiful turd away and keep to ourselves all the joy, wonder, and

excitement that a new dump can bring...



This dump was one of those dumps... Dumpstin stayed with a friend and

said "hey, why would I be selfish, flush this masterpiece when all these

nice people haven't seen it yet"... "Maybe these people aren't fortunate

enough to have internet access and are stuck on the wrong side of the

"digital divide"..."maybe this dump will inspire others to be more open

and forthcoming with their shits so we can all harmoniously bring forth

discussion, insights, and life stories about our health, life, and

happiness"..."maybe this dump could change the world."



So, folks I left it. And I hope you will leave your dumps too...



This is dumpstin giving a shout out to my peeps with this dump - hoping

that it will inspire others and create a chain reaction to transform the

world...



Let's make this world a better place... One dump at a time...

-dumpstin

Double Parked Shit

Double Parked Shit
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

What happened in this dump - and what happens frequently - is a dump

moves into what seems to be the ready position... And then if I'm at

Best Buy or Trader Joe's, or in an elevator and I and don't want to dump

there - well, the dump will wait patiently and stay parked until a

toilet presents herself.



Then, after a while of not being able to wait any longer, the dump will

try to get your attention by actually moving out of the parked zone and

into the turtle position.



Today, after having to shit at best buy & trader joes - and then not

shitting - and then came home and forgot about it... I was updating to

windows media player 10 and it was taking forever, but I wanted to click

through all the screens and restart my puter before I went to release

the parked poop - I had to pull her back a few times - the turtle wanted

out, but it just wasn't time... I could only hold it for so long, but I

noticed that while I was clicking through some of the final screens of

windows media player update, the turd had already forced itself about

1/8th of its way out. (So take what you see in the bowl, take 1/8th of

it, and that's what was hanging out my ass...)



I pulled it back in, restarted the computer, and before the puter had

even shut down, I had made it to the toilet and dropped the first log

and a half...



Its good to see this kind of dump again... I miss these big sport

utility dumps...



-Dumpstin



Ps. So I was standing up when writing this post - I was a bit hung over

and my well developed medulla oblongatta wasn't working well... right

when I finished writing the e-mail, my reptilian instinct kicked in and

I flushed the flucker. What sucks is that right after you flick the

switch, you have to watch the dump go down - you feel helpless... It was

really sad...



So, I've tried to recreate this wooly mammoth of a shit here. That's

woodgrain on the toilet seat - because my toilet seat has woodgrain...