Does Santa Shit?

Does Santa Shit?
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I've never seen santa shitting... You know what else, I've never seen a

girl shitting either. Maybe I saw my mom shit when I was a baby, but I

don't remember that. I also don't remember shitting in my diaper - but

that must have been awesome.



I have seen female dogs and horses shit - and I've smelled female human

shit, so they must shit. But nobody ever talks about santa shitting.



That must perplex kids - he's on a sleigh going house to house all over

the globe in one night - you leave out milk & cookies, but you don't

leave the bathroom open with toilet paper and a magazine.



Maybe he brings a bucket and shits in that - he probably has a bucket on

his sleigh that he shits in. Or I guess he could just hold it - he's

such a big jolly man that he might have a slow moving colon and has a

lot of backed up waste... So it might be normal for him to not shit for

a few days. That's probably what it is. Next christmas, I'm going to

leave out milk and cookies, but I'm going to add fiber to the cookies...

And maybe add some laxative to the milk... Then maybe he'll take a dump

down the chimney for me.



A nasty 7 wiper,

Dumpstin

Yogurt Dumps

Yogurt Dumps
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

So Dannon has this ad out now for a yogurt (called Activa) that gets

active yogurt cultures all the way into your large intestine (your

colon). Supposedly, most yogurt cultures only make it to your small

intestine...



I wanna try the new yogurt... That's the main reason why I don't want

to do a hydrocolonic is because I don't want them washing out all the

great bacteria that is up in my hole. I've read that you get bacteria

from mothers milk and that bacteria can live and grow in your system

your whole life... That's sweet cuz if I had to milk from my old lady

today - to get a bacteria 'power-up' (if you will) - I'd probably puke

my colon right onto the table.



Has anyone tried the activa? I wanna try and report back, but I will

probably see if the health food stores have anything to say first... And

then if I don't like what the health food stores say, I'll plug their

toilets...



A 1 wiper,

Dumpstin

Shit Debris

Shit Debris
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Here I am in a palatial mens bathroom stall at The Palace Cafe on canal

street in New Orleans laying down a couple of beignet turds, a raw

oyster fart, and now am squeezing out the beginnings of the Pork

"Debris" from my order of eggs benedict that I just polished off...



Wow, the food was good, but this bathroom stall is even better. This

place is so nice that they have a beautiful framed picture in the mens

shitter. Love it.



Wow, if you ever get the chance, go to the Palace Cafe and get some of

their Bananas Foster Beignets and then take a shit in the mahogony lined

chamber that is the Men's Stall.



Off to wipe,

dumpstin

Nodular

Nodular
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Wow, this is nodular... It's all nodules nnnn shit.



Ahhh. Now it's soft serve. Nodules and soft serve.

Soft serve and nodules... First come the nodules then come the soft

serve. The nodule part was really hard. Now the soft serve is really

soft.



Nodules and soft serve.



Soft serve and nodules.



Softules?



Nod-u-serve?



Sodules?



Soft sodules?



Soft serve & nodules.



A nasty 7 wiper - and had to wipe some off the floor that flew off when

I was wiping... Awesome,

Dumpstin

Try flushing a hot dog

Try flushing a hot dog
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

You'll plug your toilet... Now, try eating a hotdog at 4:45 am on

"saturday"night - and see if you shit out a log like I did - sunday

morning.



So yeah, I ate a hot dog, shat out a greasy pile, aaaaand it plugged.

Unfortunate, but it also makes me happy. I've gone through periods of

my life where I would plug on a regular basis... And if I wasn't

plugging, it was luck because the shits were HUGE on a regular basis.

It seems that lately I haven't been taking quite the massive dumps.



Maybe it has to do with my diet (I think I've been eating healthier - up

until I ate this hot dog - but who knows - maybe a hot dog a day is a

good idea? I doubt it.)



Whatever it is, dumpstin welcomes the turd and although the shitter was

full for more than a day (I let it melt) it went down and I didn't have

to plunge...



A happy 4 wiper,

Dumpstin

Friday Night @ Dumpstin's

Friday Night @ Dumpstin's
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

What does Dumpstin like to do on a friday night?



Shit and 1-wipe.



-dumpstin

Goat Shit

Goat Shit
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

If I had shit on a hiking trail in the mountains, you might have looked

at the shit and smiled, saying to yourself "oh, isn't it wonderful that

wild goats roam the countryside"...



Not wild goat shit, this is wild human shit. Crazy fun to pop these

pellets out.



No wiper... I just don't feel like wiping... Too lazy. Goats don't wipe

- and I feel lazy like a lazy lazy goat

dumpstin

Einstein Shat

Einstein Shat
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I'll bet a lot of things were invented while shitting. One invention

that was definitely invented while the inventor was shitting is the

squirt-bottle valve on ketchup bottles, etc. The new ones with the

little rubber thing that acts just like your anus.



I'd you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, just imagine shoving a

bottle of Heinz 57 Ketchup up your ass - without the cap on it - shove

it in your ass with the bottom of the bottle first - and then once the

bottle is completely shoved in your ass, then your anus will act like

the little rubber thing on the new ketchup squirt bottles.



I'd say that I just came up with a new theory of relativity...



a late night no wiper (too tired - sheets need some stains anyway)

-dumpstin

Elbow flush

Elbow flush
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I love the elbow flush... Any toilet designers out there should take

careful note that the elbow is the best way to flush the toilet.



There is something satisfying about being able to flush with a part of

your body that is rarely used for anything aside from being a joint...

And the great thing is that the elbow is REALLY good at flushing. I

like to flush if the bowl is yellow so that I can get a good clean pic

of my brown beauties. So, at home I sit down, and as soon as I can

think "hmm, I think I should flush", the bowl is already splashing water

up on my bits & pieces cuz the water is a flushin.



When you go shopping for a toilet, make sure to test the elbow-ability

of the lever.



An enjoyable morning 1 wiper - oh and it was a 2 flusher!!! The JOY of

flushing!

dumpstin

Art store shit

Art store shit
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I took a dump at a new art store today. It's a brand new store and this

manager of the store walks out of the bathroom (it was a one-manner) and

says "have at it". Well, I did have at it.



What would we do if stores didn't allow us to shit in their toilets?

I'll tell you what we would do, we wouldn't shop much. People would

stay home in fear of shitting their pants. Others who were more

courageous would go out into the world, but after age 45 would suffer a

myriad of bowel issues and colon complications because they would have

to hold it for hours at a time.



These public facilities are what this country has grown on... And they

must be protected from the axis of evil.



All I have to say is why didn't President Bush say anything about this

in his State of the Union address? Having shitters in stores and places

of business is a critical component - a hinge if you will of the

American economy... And in my opinion those public shitters must be

protected with all of our military and legal might.



With honor and a few bombs dropped,

dumpstin