Risky Bizniss

Risky Bizniss
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Shitting is risky... One of the riskiest things I do all day -

especially because more than 60% of my dumps are in public or

semi-public facilities.



One of the riskiest of the risky is when I go to choose a stall...

Walking in to my typical dumping grounds, there are 3 stalls. 2 small

and one large.



Being an american, I go for the super sized option.



Unfortunately, the door is usually closed... And this is the risky

part. My typical strategy is to walk by as if I was heading to the

urinal.. And out of the corner of my eye, I'll try to see between the

tiny crack if someone is in there... I can't see much, and I don't want

to stare (eye-contact is bad) so if I don't see anything dark (that

would alert me to a human), I go for it.



So far, it's worked fine. But man, my adrenaline gets going... it's

like dropping in on a 15 foot wave...



And then, once I'm inside the friendly confines, I let my balls dangle

precariously close to poo water, sitting bare-assed on a disease

infested toilet...



Somehow, I make it out and live to shit another day.



A 1 wiper

dumpstin

Fishing Lure Shit

Fishing Lure Shit
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

OW OW OW!



Oh wow wow wee wow... That hurt. Huge knob end on that dump - almost

tore my ass right off. Felt like I was shitting out a muskie fishing

lure... And the hooks were barbed.



I thought for sure this would be a bloody dump, but it looks like my

calloused hole triumphed over my turd which also felt like Captain

Caveman's club.



I think this one hurt so bad cuz I stayed sitting in my seat for too

long while the turd came out my arse. I finally said that I better go

when I tripodded up so high that I had to adjust the angle of my

monitor.



Oh, by the way, I had leftover beans from the 4th for breakfast... Works

better than coffee or a smoothie for getting things moving...



dumpstin

Divine Analvention

Divine Analvention
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

...and on the 8th day, God shat...



I feel that a stray angel who had to take a dump inhabited my body -

using it like a port-a-john - to take a deuce.



Wow. This is textbook perfect. Nice color, beautiful shape...

Aerodynamic, intact, with a foul but pleasant aroma.



Everyone should strive to shit like this...



Best of all, a no-wiper. How could I wipe? WWJD? No, Jesus wouldn't

have wiped this one either.

-dumpstin

WARNING: Alligator Habitat!

WARNING: Alligator Habitat!
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Please keep limbs and small children AWAY from the alligator habitat.



Fortunately, no known alligator attacks have happened at this toilet,

but this looks like the perfect place for an alligator to live.



So stay the eff away!



Wow, my ass is pissing!!!



Must have been the tiny SAMPLE of green bean chicken @ Panda Express

today. Wow, that stuff is nasty. Note to self: don't eat any chicken

from panda - even if the lady is real nice and offers you a "sampoe"...

Eff that! All I ate was a tiny "sampoe" imagine what might have

happened if I went for the full meal deal...



Aaaargh! More ass mud! Seriously, an alligator is bound to jump up and

bite my nuts... This is effing scary!

dumpstin

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

Wow, I feel like I just gave birth... Happy Mother's Day to Dumpstin

from the brown child in the bowl.



Wow

DumpDNA

DumpDNA
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

This magnificent dump took me by suprise... I was expecting a much

browner dump... A typical floater - but no, this dump wasn't about to be

some ordinary everyday dump...



This dump would be different. This dump was determined to be lighter,

smoother, stinkier, more flatulence-filled, hershey-squirtier, grosser,

and more interesting.



This unique dump got me wondering... Is there Dump DNA? Will someday

there be "bugged" toilets with DNA detectors - looking for terrorists?

So that when a terrorist takes a crap, the DumpDNADetection will set of

an alarm and the stall door would lock the evildoer inside...



I'm willing to talk with investors if anyone wants to take my idea to

market...

Dumpstin

Sleeping on the job

Sleeping on the job
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

The guy next to me is seriously sleeping on the shitter here in the JC

Penney shitter in the Men's department at Yorktown. Wow. Dude, wake up

and finish shitting.



You can hear the turd hanging halfway out his butt swishing back and

forth in the toilet each time he snores...



-dumpstin

Flip Plops

Flip Plops
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

So, in Dumpstintown, things are starting to warm up - and here in the

stall things are starting to get a bit more casual - especially on

Fridays.



Tank tops, capri pants, Jorts (Jean Shorts), and assless chaps are all

being worn around the office... Oh, and people are coming in wearing a

lot of flip-flops these days. I, myself, in fact - am wearing flip

flops...



Oh, and the guy at the urinal next to me is wearing flip flops.



It's definitely in vogue.



But, as I drop these brown bombs and poowater starts splashing up and

out of the bowl - or the guy at the urinal has a "V-line" piss that goes

a little off course - you start to wonder how gross your feet are

getting.



Anyway, I like wearing flip flops... It's nice. I pee on my shoes in

the winter and sometimes it takes a while to fully dry out.



Flip flops on the other hand seem to dry out much more quickly - and

people just think you spilled some smoothie on your foot, that's all.



"A smoothie a day keeps the doctor away" - that's what I tell em.



Keep wipin,

dumpstin

U for U-shaped Poop

U for U-shaped Poop
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

What is my poop trying to tell me? That this dump is un-wipe-able? Is

this some underground poo gang symbol? Is it saying that it's going

underground into the secret world of poo tunneling? Is my poop in love

with my underpants? Does it have something to do with underfunded

schools and their plugged toilets?



Tell me poop - give me another sign!



Oh, here we go - I think it might mean to look in my underpants - ok,

now I'm gonna try to interpret the skidmarks and see what I can figure

out...



Got it - it's saying to unroll some teepee and start wiping cuz this is

gonna be a messy, unwipeable one

an infinite wiper,

dumpstin

Foreign Feces

Foreign Feces
Originally uploaded by dumpstin.

I just walked into the bathroom, the window is wide open - and it's cold

outside. So, I put my hood up and am taking a hooded shit...



Which brings me back to the subject of international shitting...



I would imagine that in most of the underdeveloped world, you don't get

heated shitters. Most people who live in places like Siberia, or in the

Andes mountains, or even Afghanistan in the winter - they shit in the

cold. They don't have the priviledge of heating a room for the sole

purpose of shitting. This is why humans who don't have hairy backs

still have hairy groin, balls, and ass.



Because until people started heating their shitters, you would have to

shit in the cold and you'd be stoked if your asshair was as bushy as

mine.



I have to imagine that in many parts of the world, they still shit in

the cold - which probably means they don't get bikini waxes and they

definitely don't shave their balls.



a 7 wiper and a 2 flusher,

Dumpstin